Laying down at night trying to fall asleep, when suddenly you see something in the corner of your eye. At first, you just tell yourself that you’re seeing things, but you see it again, and now the thoughts in your head go from “eh, just my imagination,” to “HOLY FUCK I’M GOING TO DIE TONIGHT, SOMEBODY HELP ME!”
All of your girl friends get boyfriends. All of your boy friends get girlfriends. And suddenly, you’re just left with no fucking friends.
Andrew by Andrea Gibson
openyoureyessunshine: When I was a kid I would sometimes Secretly call myself Andrew Would tug at the crotch of my pants the way Only pubescent boys do Ran around pounding on my bare chest like tarzan It’s not that I thought I’d grow up to be a man I just never thought I’d grow up to be a woman either From what I could tell neither of those categories Seemed to fit me But believe me, I knew from...
jonathanpham: Nostalgia: it’s delicate, but potent. Teddy told me that in Greek, “nostalgia” literally means “the pain from an old wound.” It’s a twinge in your heart far more powerful than memory alone. This device isn’t a spaceship, it’s a time machine. It goes backwards, and forwards… it takes us to a place where we ache to go again. It’s not called the wheel, it’s called the carousel. It...
gabbyroars: EVERYONE NEEDS THIS ON THEIR BLOG. LOL IT NEVER GETS OLD. YES.
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
It’s the oldest story in the world. One day, you’re 17 and you’re planning for...– Nathan Scott (via blua)